Who is Red John?

Theories of WhatJustHappened (2)

I think this is what happened:

Family Heller is dining at the table, when the phone rings. Mrs Heller picks up the phone.

Honey, this is for you. It'r Mr Berkeley

BH: Who?

Mr. Heller: The Guy who plays the Sheriff in your show.

BH: Oh ok. Hello?

XB: Hi Bruno, listen, if you give me the part of Red John you don't have to pay me anymore. I swear to God. 

BH: Who are you again?

XB: It's me. Xander.

BH: Who?

XB: The guy who plays the sheriff in the show. 

BH: Are you not supposed to be dead?

XB: I know, i know. It's absolutely senseless. But being red john could acctually rekindle my career. 

BH: But you can't be red john. I had six other people in mind. 

XB: Sure I can ! Everybody could be red john. None of your clues ever made sense. Everyone had a phobia even though you gave me the crappiest one of all. Totally unbelievable. But still.

BH: Ok. But Xander please be realistic. Look at you. No way Loreley would have fallen for you.

XB: She was a slut. Everyone could have banged her, right? Look at how naiv she was. 

BH: But there are so many loose ends. You are the one that doesn't fit at all. Patrick Jane would wanna know so many things from red john. 

XB: So, don't let him ask me any questions. 

BH: Wow. You ARE pretty clever. I will consider it. But what about all the fans?

XB: Bruno, please. This is show business. Who cares about fans? YOU are the Boss. Hahahaha

BH: Hahahaha yeah you are right. Congratulations Xander. Or shall i say RED JOHN ;)

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I wanted to go back and watch old episodes for clues to who should have been red john. But i just realised, that there's no sense at all in that.
None of the clues add up. I think Heller was so busy giving us Red Herrings, that he forgot to acctually create a real background for Red John.

In my humble opinion Thomas Carter was a far better choice for Red John than McAllister. But why the hell are both of them named Thomas?

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