"does anyone know who you are?"
when jane was hallucinating charlotte, she asked him that question. that means he is hiding something about his true identity. his wife and daughter must have figured out he was red john when he mocked him on the tv show, so he killed them and said that it was rj getting revenge. and he used the same plan to kill the other serial killer by making him mock rj. jane even said that making him mock rj was the only way that 'HE' could stop him.
i am not 100% behind that theory as there are some flaws in it, like the shaking hands bit, and when they came face to face when rj saved jane.
i have another theory though. why didnt rj get revenge on jane by killing him instead of his wife and child? that for me says that rj wants jane alive so he could chase him. rj seems to enjoy the thrill of the chase and he knows that jane is smart and he would enjoy the little cat and mouse game that they are playing. so if rj is not jane, then it is someone with a personal connection to him, thats how he could know about that happy memory, he must have been with him.
